Endless ideas.

As many people may know, the bank holiday has started. This holiday has proven no different to any other which I have endured. Any time I get off school is wasted just lying in bed for hours on end. I sleep all day, every day. This has had instant effect as I have had uncountable sleepless nights due to my mass amount of time sleep paired with my insomnia. Another issue with me is I have insomnia, causing me to fall asleep around 3am - 4am on a daily basis. This is not necessarily a problem. All of these nights spent with nothing but my own company have given me an opportunity to look upon my future.


 I have always kept the same 3 choices of career paths which consist of architecture, journalism and psychiatry. I have never been able to choose which path I long to pursue. I have many ideas for a lifestyle but I have recently been tempted to precipitate these ideas and 'swing life away'. One of many ideas which I can carry out this thought contains all of my loves in life mixed together creating a near dream world. I shall take my vintage motorcycle to America, nothing on my back but money, a sleeping bag and a guitar. I wish to travel across America following no direction whatsoever and see where life shall lead me. This is such a tempting concept and just the thought of it makes me feel happy, to an extent of which I have never felt before. I can leave this broken life behind and just forget all my troubles. The thought of  cruising down a dirt road with no worries, nothing holding me back, is just breath-taking. This idea just forms a relation with my imagination allowing it to overcome my whole mind. The speculation of meeting new characters and environments across different states, stumbling across peoples beliefs and cultures. This whole concept fueled by my own mind.

A new found Hope.

At this moment in time I am sat in my miserable school. I am not planning on going into further detail because this wretched school is explained thoroughly in my previous posts. I am under serious concern as the 'popular' kids have found out the address to this blog therefore I am under a huge amount of social failure. I am almost relaxed knowing the fact that I am about 10 times more cunning than they are so I will see to the problem before them.

Now I have gotten the day's explanatory brief out of the way I will swiftly move back into my ever-failing life.  The 'operation' including Ellen is now obviously a huge failure despite my many attempts but I have found salvation. My original assailant, Emily, has caught my eye quite a few times these past few days. The plan in which I get another girl has opened a new light on a new girl. We have a long standing, humour based chemistry behind us and I must admit she is very attractive. My eyes are somehow always magnetised to her buttocks. I am yet again hit with a dilemma. There is this other girl. Her name is Hope, she is pretty new to me and from what I have observed she is a very friendly character of which I am quite fond of. The only distinctive issue is she's my pot dealers sister. Risky, I know. I am have been in her presence 3 times in total and I seem to be getting along with her quite well.

Maybe these two wonderful girls are a message sent from an unfounded force proving to me that there are more than one girl once you start to open your eyes more.

Is this a truth?

The school week has ended. This is a huge relief even though I was ill for the first 2 days. A house party is the obvious best end to a school week so on Friday night I went to my friend's party. The party was a success. I established this information because about 6 people had passed out and the others were just a drunken mess. I held many interests for the night but I had one guilty pleasure. My friend's sister Hope is hot! She was definite eye candy but she is not relationship material. I might only believe this because of the girl I like so much. She makes me think in a variety of ways.

Upon realising this I have also realised that if the girl doesn't subdue to my plans then I have put my whole life of girls behind me. At this moment in time she is the only girl for me but there is no telling whether it will change as my life goes on. This is probably just a college crush but being a teenager it's 100 times more dramatic. I am ending this post short because I have a hangover of mass proportion.

My revolutionary weekend

My average weekend is now officially over. I am not going to lie and say that is was eventful and different to any other weekend I've had because it was exactly the same. Friday night consisted of going round a friend's house and smoking pot. Saturday was less than interesting as the only thing I did was google my ass off throughout the course of the day. Sunday was actually invented as a day of rest so therefore I slept until 5pm. This leads me to believe that I am stuck in a cycle that I can never escape. I'm forever going to be alone or with a girl I don't even love but this is what I have to get the grips of. The concept that there is no true love for me. The only things in my life I have to care for is music, the Internet and weed. Nothing else seems to even enter my life with as much importance. This is the main reason I need 'her' in my life. To help me realise that there is more to my life than this endless amount of failure but I know for a fact that I messed things up by rushing my plans. I'm such an impatient person which has a big effect on my life. I just need to wait for the time where I am 100 percent happy. If that day ever comes.

Is this all?

Yet another lifeless and bland school day. Surrounded by the pretentious asshole I dislike and teachers who think they are so much better than me. I am still waiting for the day for this to all change. It's more of a dream than an expectation as in my conscience I know it nothing changes. Well if I include the the most minuscule of changes, I have at least established that secrets are best left secret for a reason. A close friend of mine, one of which I have great advise to give, told me one of his most recent secrets yesterday. One that I am certain you do not wish to hear. The person who it was the most negatively effective to overheard me telling another dear friend the series of events I had been told to keep locked in the back of my mind. Not alot had became for it so I might as well just leave this dull story here.

Also on the endless, wearisome update on my day I am questioning the progress of the 'Operation' (see post ' Just my luck'). In the way we have been texting it appears I have made anti-superficial progress but among further thought I realised this girl is complex and it probably has no significance. I have told her about my life long ambitions and she seemed to take a sudden interest. My plan of making her notice that I am not a total asshole and see the inner, sensitive 'me'. She is interested in the life path I am pursuing or she may have just been being nice. I shall have to wait for this scenario to culminate despite the fact she has absconded with my heart.

Just my luck.

I assume it has been quite some time since my previous blog which happens to be my first. Not alot has changed to say the least. Life is moving at a steady rate and I'm still not fulfilling it to it's full potential. Lately there has been one big impact to my wreckage of a social life. Personally, I believe that it is an important event but it is likely to have no importance at all. There's this certain attractive girl in my history class of which I've noticed alot and I have take quite a fancy to her. This is not you're average teenage crush. She is very sophisticated and complex. She is inevitably been subject to my fake front which I use to fit in with the popular kids. She has definitely overheard my conversations about parties, alcoholic adventures, sexual tales and drugs. This is a huge downfall on my behalf. This girl is perfectly suited to me and she doesn't realise it. We like the same music (an advantage of epic proportion), she is intelligent like me, she likes similar things to me and we both have big ambitions. Little do you know I've had a encounter with her before... A few days before valentines day I built up the courage I needed and took inspiration from a film and made her a play list containing all my favourite acoustic songs. She seemed to really appreciate this gift but out of the blue she texts me saying she didn't want to lead me on. I became severely depressed after the commotion and decided to fight for my reasons which turned out to be an awful idea causing a big argument.Very recently I have started speaking to her again but I feel the outcome will be exactly the same. I have seeked help from one of her close friends who has agreed to partake in my 'plans'. We have devised a strategy and we shall proceed with it slowly. In doubt it will help matters but I will pursue it until I am stricken down.